I got the call Tuesday from my aunt that my mom was back in the hospital. Her friend Kelly had gone to check on her in the morning and she was sitting on the side of the bed, very out of it. So she helped her to the bathroom and then out to the chair. Mom was having a hard time breathing and her color wasn't good. So Kelly called the paramedics who came and gave mom some oxygen and checked her out. Apparently her oxygen levels were only at 23 when they got there so they took her to the hospital.
They got her oxygen levels back up to 95 and started running tests to find out what was wrong. Mom was in a very sedated state and just kept falling asleep. Kelly thought perhaps she had taken too much morphine. They figured out that mom is an undiagnosed diabetic and they stabilized her sugars. They also found out she had a urinary tract infection and gave her antibiotics for that. They let the meds get out of her system and thought that if the meds were causing the sedated state that she would be more alert by the morning. But she wasn't. She hadn't had any meds at all and she was still drowsy and falling asleep. So they ran more tests. Her results from her catscan the week before were supposed to be in soon too. I got really tired of hearing everything second hand from my aunt and mom's friends so I called and talked to the nurse myself.
She said they wouldn't get any test results back until the next day (thursday). So I waited until then. My aunt called and told me the results weren't good. The cancer has spread a lot more, very aggressively. And the doctors say there isn't anything they can do anymore. They aren't running any more tests, or giving her any more treatments. They said there isn't any point. She is also in so much pain that they have to keep her heavily medicated and she is very very out of it. They said they want to keep her as comfortable as possible and with as much dignity as they can for her final days, they don't know whether she has days or months left but that she is dying and its only a matter of time.
After I learned all this my aunt said she was going to tell my brother when he got home from work and I said ok. I thought it was a good idea, so I didn't text him to tell him. I thought it would be easier on him if she told him in person. Tonight I got a text from him telling me I shouldn't have listened to her and I should have told him. He's so upset with me. I feel horrible. He's right, he's a grown man and I should have just told him rather than try to protect him.
At this point I am going to try and fly up there to see my mom, although I don't know how much of a visit we will get. I tried to talk to her on the phone and I don't think she even knew it was me she was talking to.
She's my mom and I can't even be there for her. I feel so horrible. I can only stay there for a few days too because its Kaitlyn's birthday the next weekend. I need to make sure my kids have some semblance of normalcy throughout all of this. Its all I can do.
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